Working Mother

I've made it through two weeks of being a working mother. Two weeks of varied nighttime wake ups and 5:30 am mornings and pumping at work and trying to rush home atthe end of the day to get some quality time in before bedtime.

I am realizing that I will need more than two weeks to understand what being a working mother really means, that I'll need to give myself time to learn to do a job that I've loved and done wholeheartedly in a new way. I'll need to teach myself how to multitask-- which will involve writing myself far more "to do lists" than ever before, as baby-brain has made me more forgetful than I imagined it would. I'll need to find a way to leave work at work at the end of the day and go home to Zoe, giving her one hundred percent, and turning work back on after she's in bed on the days that it is needed.

Eventually, I have to believe, this will just become life and I'll do it as well as I can. Eventually, I may even allow someone else to hold her after I get home at 5:30....I may even make a plan that doesn't include her on a weekend day. Eventually, I might not feel a pit in my stomach on the nights of work events, or view after school commitments as baby-time-thievery. Eventually.

For now, I'll try to let myself be okay with feeling like life is an all day juggling act. For now, I'll remind myself that I'm allowed to make mistakes, big ones-- and I have a little more time where I can still blame the back to work adjustment and be forgiven! For now, I'll either learn to cut my own hair or ignore the split ends because I'm not about to give up my baby time to go for a hair cut and what was I thinking not taking care of that during maternity leave? For now, I'll let the working mothers I know out there know that I had no idea, all this time, what they were grappling with or how impressive they truly are.

Loving my Sunday with Zoe!

She Giggles and Grabs

I know that in the future she will hopefully create science fair projects, or score a winning goal, or write a fantastic poem-- but is anything even half as cool as the first giggle?

I caught this on video and Aaron and I watched it that night and laughed like it was a comedian. Love it! Zoe is lying on a pile of clean laundry while I sort it, just as an fyi-- I promise that's not how we keep our clothes!

Zoe is just past eleven weeks, and I saw her first giggle the other day. She repeated it a half dozen times throughout the day and every time was just as adorable, from my point of view. She is still on her own clock, as she's made no sign of laughing today...but I'll give her time. She has started to grab on to toys, or bat at things that are above her head. She has made no moves towards rolling and still screams bloody murder when she's placed on her stomach, so we'll see how that goes. Aaron and I are both afraid she may end up with my athletic skills rather than his--(meaning working really hard to be solidly mediocre at every sport, rather than awesome at anything you randomly try) so cross your fingers for her!

My maternity leave is tick-tocking towards the end now. I consider myself lucky to have a job I love, and I am thrilled that Aaronwill be home with Zoe. However, I will miss this time terribly- it has been amazing to have the chance to be so immersed in her start to life. I'm totally cheesily more caught up in it than I ever expected- I think if everyone had a Zoe, the world would be a truly awesome place!

We've had such fun times lately-- Aaron finish up his MFA, and is getting ready to be a "Stay at home artist/dad". We got to have some overlap time at home with her, which will be a treat to remember when I'm working Monday through Friday and he's working Saturdays! I'm going to try to keep up this blog as a little record of her baby days (so that if we have a 2nd kid he/she can say to me, "Mom, why didn't you do this for me?")!! My mom asked me if this would be lasting as something we can show to Zoe in the future- does anyone know the answer to that? Do blogs have a shelf life?

Meanwhile, I will be enjoying every last minute of my time home with Zoe--I'm off to try to make her giggle!