Accessorizing

I'm having a moment of slight understanding for those New Yorkers and their dogs.... you know, the ones that shop at those posh stores that you think are baby stores until you notice the doggy biscuits and the odd shape of the "onesies"?  The ones that carry their dogs in baskets and even baby bjorns?

Because, the rest of the world smiles at dogs and babies!!

I'm very used to walking around wearing her instead of a bag (and the Ergo can even hold my things!)  I've gone out a couple of times lately without Z-- something that I usually do so much of for work that I avoid otherwise.  I usually trek her around with me for my weekend outings.  But there have been a couple of recent occasions where I've been social without her....and I've noticed, without this little moving and giggling accessory strapped to me, the world is just not quite as friendly of a place.

I'd gotten a bit used to the smiles of shopkeepers and the waves of passerby's, the goofy faces of the person sitting across from us on the subway, the overheard "aw, she's so cute" sounds that the world apparently just makes when there is a baby!  Not everyone, it is true, but most people that you meet at random simply love a baby.

And it seems that even on a good hair day, with cute new boots and a great pair of jeans, I'm simply not as much to smile at without her.

Can you imagine what it would be like to simply walk down the street and live your life interacting as if everyone you met had a puppy or a baby with them?  Give it a try for a day and let me know!

Person-Like

Zoe is becoming a person.

I have always said that she is more of a critter.  From the get-go, she squeaked and snorted and grabbed-- more work and more fun than a pet, but not a fully formed person.

When I meet friends for brunch I say, "3 people and a high chair, please".  I realize I'm confusing the hostess- yes, the baby is also a person, but asking for a table for four seems absurd. 

She still has her critter-like tendencies.  She shrieks, laughs like crazy for no apparent reason, grabs your face and nose and hair all at once, chases other babies at the park, and picks things up off the ground to put in her mouth.  She runs with her hands out into glass doors and smushes her face into her reflection.  She tried to hurl herself down stairs or off of high surfaces with no inclination of care.

But, recently, she's had these moments of person-ness.  Where I can see the little girl waiting behind the baby.  Where she looks at a book, or gives a hug or a wave, or just walks down the street not like a critter at all.  Personlike. 

Highlights from a Brooklyn Saturday

Walking on her own for the first time at the farmers market...

Laughing and calling out "hi!" to the passing crowd.

Sharing a croissant, sitting outside of the library.

Playing peek-a-boo around the poles.

Listening to some street performers with rapt attention.

Just a nothing-to-do kind of Saturday.

Birthday Vacation

If you saw this article you know that companies know more about us then we do based on our shopping and computer habits.  This rang true a few days before Zoe's first birthday, when I checked my junk mail email box and saw that all of the random baby or pregnancy related items that I got had all suddenly substituted the word "baby" for "toddler."  Gone were "Helping your baby sleep" emails, and in their place, "Best toys for toddlers".  Apparently, according to consumer culture, I no longer have a baby.

We celebrated (okay, I mourned) the end of Zoe's baby status with a week in Florida- our first official family vacation.

Directly outside our hotel

We stayed at a golf resort outside of Tampa, where we had a one bedroom apartment with a balcony (a must for a vacation when the baby goes to bed at 7:30).  Zoe loved running around a new apartment, and she discovered the fun of the pool. 

Loving the pool!

She met her first trip to the ocean with less than what I would call enthusiasm.  Due to her incredible hatred of a car seat (she is a city baby, for sure, and does not understand WHY she has to be constrained in a car, although it improved over the course of the week) she arrived at the beach in a state of post sobbing confusion.  She did not want her pretty little feet to touch either the sand or the water.  Very high maintenance baby!

Don't let go of me, mama!

No I will NOT smile for the camera!

Her next trip was far more successful, and we enjoyed watching her run towards the water on her own!  We had a lot of fun on a boat ride (aboard Little Toot, which is now making a reappearance in our lives as Zoe's nickname when appropriate) and saw loads of dolphins.

Okay, I'll touch the water!

I like it!

 
Other highlights included gorgeous views, the amazing Spanish moss that hangs from so many of the trees surrounding where we stayed, palm trees and lakes and oceans.  We were able to visit with Aaron's grandma as well, and really enjoyed a fantastic, relaxing week with family.

What a difference a year makes! 

From Six Till Seven

From Six Till Seven:  Part One
I've woken up twice to my alarm clock in the past almost-a-year....two times when my sleep was pierced by an abstract beeping sound that made me flashback to another time in my life.  Other than that, the other 350 or so mornings, I've woken up to the squeaks and cries of Zoe's internal alarm clock, calling out for food at the earliest early hour, the latest late hour, the time when most people are in the midst of sleeping.

This time period is a little bit of a blur most mornings, half awake feedings and seeing if Z will let me fall back asleep before the beeping that tells me it is time to get out of bed rather than time to wake up.  And from a little before six until close to seven, I have my first daily hour of parenting.  In between pumping and eating the breakfast that Aaron amazingly makes each morning and packing up my laptop and making sure I have the bottles and pump pieces I need for the day (I've messed this up 3 times in the 9 months I've been doing it, which I think is pretty ok) and getting dressed, I play with my child.  I bring her into the bathroom while I'm doing my hair or washing my face and tell her what I'm doing...."I'm putting some concealer under my eyes, that makes me look less tired.  Now I'm putting on deodorant, you probably won't need this till you're 12, but I'll be on the lookout to let you know if it is earlier than that because I don't want them to have to tell you at school, that is totally embarrassing even though I pretend real hard that it isn't."

Z is all laughs and smiles in the morning, she sits in her little chair at the table while I eat and pump and offers us toys.  She wanders around the living room while I check the weather and check my work phone and call for substitutes if needed.  And when it comes time for me to put on my jacket, she suddenly clings to me.  And when I place her in her dad's arms and grab my bags to go...she cries.  Sometimes she just sniffles, sometimes she wails.  I can't bring myself to sneak out while she's distracted, so usually I make it worse, going back for kisses, finally making it out the door and realizing I've forgotten my phone and disrupting her all over again.

From Six Till Seven: Part Two

Barring any parent events or late night meetings, I am almost always home from work on the dot of six o'clock.  Whether I'm rushing out to the train at 5:30 or hanging on for a ride, six o'clock is pretty much guaranteed to be the switch from being responsible for the needs of 20 teachers and 300 children to being responsible for the needs of one lovely little baby.

I love making the switch.  I walk in the door to the best greeting in the world-- Aaron usually yelling, "Mommy's home" while Zoe freezes from wherever she is and laughs, and these days, waves.  (She's grown into this- it used to be immediate tears and demands for nursing, this is much improved.)  And then, for the next hour, I'm a parent again.  I put away the days bottles and my things, hug Zoe for as long as she'll let me (usually just one hug), and feed her dinner while Aaron makes ours, or play with her in the living room, and hear about the boring stuff that only I want to know-- what time were her naps today, how much did she eat and when, where did you guys go today.  Sometime close to 7 she gets sleepy, even though she has started to fight it and try to hide it from us, and so sometimes earlier or sometimes later but right around seven we start getting ready for bedtime.  We change into pajamas and read a story and cuddle if she'll let me.  By between 7:30 and 8 she is asleep and I'm on the couch, leaning over my laptop, or on a good day, watching bad tv.

I don't mean to imply that I'm not a parent in those 22 hours that are not between six and seven (and on the whole weekend and every vacation!!)  And I know that the mommy guilt I feel about squeezing a day into such short blocks of time is just for me-- kids are in day care and with nannies and with stay at home parents and all of these are completely valid options.  Zoe is with Aaron all day and incredibly well cared for and I have no reservations about how she spends her time.  In a world full of gender norms and high expectations for what it means to be a mother, however, what I can't seem to escape is my reservations about how I spend mine.

But, for now at least, from six till seven, is Zoe's time.

Digital

I was thinking the other day about how different it is for me to take pictures of my baby than it must have been when my parents took pictures of me.  Thinking about the idea of waiting to pick up the pictures from the drug store, having no idea how they turned out, and inevitably flipping through stacks of pictures to find the one where the right people were looking the right way with the right expressions on their face....a great pic must have been SO exciting!

Typically, for every picture that is a winner, I go through about ten attempts, maybe more. It starts with a vision-- Zoe's first experience with bubbles is so adorable, I'm going to get a perfect picture of her cute smile as the bubbles rain down. And so it begins......

The mouth suddenly opens....

The head abruptly turns....

And turns the other way.....

Kind of dazed and stunned-- as good as we're going to get!

Sometimes I keep trying like a crazy person, irritating the heck out of my baby and myself.  I won't even tell you how many times I attempted the video of her first steps before Aaron finally caught it last month- which seems pretty silly now that she is walking all over the place!  Other times I give up, and go ahead with what I get rather than my perfect vision.  Is that a metaphor for parenting?

Most of the trials don't make the transfer from camera to computer, but here are a couple of battle losing shots.  I picture my disappointment ripping open the little picture envelope at the drugstore and seeing sideways eyes and no smiles! I had promised that for Zoe's sake when she's grown I would only post pictures that put her cuteness in perspective, but I guess just this once....

The babies not quite getting the message to smile for the camera!

Trying for a cute shot with Nana!

What is WITH the tongue, girl???

I swear to you she looked right at me in between every shot this day!

My personal favorite:  Aaron making fun of her repeated refusal to look at the camera

Here Comes Trouble!

here we go...!!